The Things I Should've Said
by squirtturtle665
Summary: Murphy's bad news. Everyone seems to know that but Clarke. When something happens to Clarke and Bellamy at Murphy's hand, will Finn get the chance to tell Clarke how he feels? Takes place around 1x04 :)
1. Chapter 1

"Why do think you're always right about everything?" Clarke asked frustratingly.

"Because I am right about this, Clarke," Finn shot back. "We've only been on the ground for three weeks. You really want to put yourself in danger this soon after being here? Because that's what you'll be doing if you go with them."

Clarke scoffed. "Are you serious right now? Finn, the only way we're going to be able to survive down here is if we trust each other. Bellamy's gotten a lot better since he found out that Jaha is alive. I have to trust him."

Bellamy had asked Clarke to go with him and Murphy outside the walls to set up traps for animals. Clarke had been gathering rations for the three of them when Finn came in to speak his mind. He hadn't intended for it to turn into a huge fight, but it was inevitable at that point.

"I'm not talking about Bellamy. Wasn't it Murphy who, just last week, freaked out and almost killed Monty with his bare hands? The kid's a psychopath, Clarke. Trust Bellamy all you want, but as long as Murphy is going, you shouldn't be. He's not exactly your biggest fan."

Clarke rolled her eyes. "You're in no position to be telling me what I should and shouldn't do. If you're so worried about what Murphy might do, come with us."

Finn hesitated just like Clarke knew he would. The ground had changed Finn's spontaneity; the "spacewalker" they all knew him as was gone. He preferred to discuss defensive strategies from behind the walls.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Clarke said coldly. "But these people are going to need a leader when Bellamy and I are both dead, right?"

She regretted saying it as soon as she did, but she didn't show it. Clarke strapped the bag of food over her shoulder and started toward the door. Finn grabbed her wrist to stop her. "Clarke," he said, tone considerably softer.

Clarke turned back to Finn. "What?" She said angrily.

Finn squeezed her wrist. He knew he wasn't going to be able to keep her from going. "Be careful. Take a knife and watch your back."

Clarke's heart lightened up a little bit. Finn was just trying to protect her but sometimes, he just couldn't let her go. "Stop being so paranoid. Nothing is going to go wrong," she said, reassuringly.

Finn nodded simply, let her wrist go, and watched her walk out of the drop ship.

Finn was on edge all day long, and his hands couldn't seem to stop shaking. He was laying on the cot in his tent when he heard an all too familiar voice yelling his name.

"Someone get Finn!" He heard Bellamy shout.

Finn bolted up and ran out of the tent, pushing past people working on the wall to see that Bellamy and Clarke were literally stumbling back into camp.

The first thing Finn noticed was the blood. Bellamy had his arm around Clarke and was using all his strength to keep her up. The next thing he noticed was the knife sticking out of Clarke's right thigh. She was pale and sweating and breathing heavily.

"What happened?" Finn questioned frantically.

This was when he noticed that Bellamy, too, was extremely pale and shaky. Then, Finn saw the blood that stained Bellamy's side, seeping into Clarke's shirt as well. Bellamy acted as a crutch for Clarke so she didn't have to put too much pressure on her bad leg even though he was also stabbed on that side.

"Murphy happened," Bellamy replied with a raspy, strained voice.

That was all Finn needed. He clenched the knife in his pocket and was ready to go out and kill Murphy without a second glance, but Bellamy stopped him.

He took a few breaths before speaking. "Stop. Clarke needs you. We walked at least four miles, and she wouldn't let me carry her. You need to get the knife out of her leg."

Bellamy was right, they could worry about Murphy later. The only thing that mattered now was making sure Clarke was okay.

She coughed a few times, struggling to breathe. "Finn- Finn, I-"

Finn cut her off. "I'm right here," he said as calmly as possible. "I'm gonna take you in the drop ship and get this thing out of your leg, okay?"

Even before she answered, Finn easily picked her up, being careful not to move the knife.

"I'm okay," Clarke quietly said before passing out.

"Someone find Jasper and Monty and send them to the drop ship! Now!" Finn called out to no one in particular.

The small crowd that had formed quickly dispersed as Finn carried Clarke into the drop ship. Bellamy dizzily walked over to a tree and leaned up against it, feeling darkness take over.

Octavia, after just hearing what had happened, ran out of her tent to see her big brother holding on to a tree for dear life.

"Bell!" She shouted, sprinting over to him.

"Hey, O," he said, breathing heavily after each word.

Octavia threw Bellamy's arm over her shoulders. "We need to get you fixed up. Come on."

"Just leave me here," he said, closing his eyes, welcoming the darkness.

"No, hey, stay with me. You're going to be okay. Miller!" She called out. Miller turned around and ran over to her. "Help me get him in the drop ship."

Miller took Bellamy's other arm and put it around his shoulders, and he and Octavia all but carried Bellamy into the drop ship. They laid him on the ground next to where Finn had laid Clarke, both of them passed out.

Finn was afraid to touch Clarke. He didn't want to take the knife out because he was afraid that it would bleed more or that he would make things worse. Basically, he was afraid that she would never wake up again.

Thankfully, that's when Jasper and Monty ran in. They were the only other ones besides Clarke who had any medical knowledge.

Monty quickly took his jacket off and knelt down next to Clarke, examining the knife. "What happened?"

"I think Murphy must've freaked out on them. I don't really know," Finn replied. "Are they going to be okay?"

Jasper hadn't moved since he got in the drop ship. He seemed to be stunned to silence until Octavia snapped him out of it. "Jasper? A little help here, maybe?"

"Uh, right, yeah sorry," he stuttered out.

Jasper and Octavia got to work on cleaning Bellamy's wound while Monty brought his attention back to Finn's question.

"Bellamy will be fine. Clarke…," he trailed off. "I don't know. We have to get the knife out and cauterize the wound before it gets infected."

Finn looked down at Clarke and brushed a strand of hair from her face. "Let's do it then."

"Alright, I'm going to need you to hold her down in case she wakes up. Assuming this is one of our knives, it can't be too deep in there."

Finn pinned Clarke's arms down as Monty gripped the knife in his shaky hand. He took a deep breath then swiftly pulled the knife out of Clarke's leg. That was when she woke up.

Finn wasn't expecting it, his gaze was fixated on Monty the entire time. He felt Clarke struggle against his arms, gasping in pain.

"Keep her still!" Monty shouted.

Octavia and Jasper left Bellamy to help calm Clarke down. Finn moved down to hold her hips while Jasper got her shoulders.

"Octavia, heat up your sword. Get two people in here to move Bellamy somewhere else." Monty gave her a desperate look. "Hurry."

Monty was seeing something the rest of them weren't. Something that wasn't good. Octavia nodded and hurried out of the drop ship. Meanwhile, Clarke kept struggling, and Finn felt like he was dying inside. "Hey," he spoke softly to her among the growing chaos. "I know you're in pain, but you need to stay as still as possible. You're going to be okay, I promise."

Clarke gave him a pained look but calmed down enough for Monty to take red hot sword Octavia just brought in and press it to the side of Clarke's leg. Clarke shot up again, and Jasper and Finn worked to keep her down until Monty released the sword.

They all breathed a sigh of relief when she settled back down on the ground.

That is, until Jasper said, "Guys, she's not opening her eyes."

Finn released his grasp on her hips and gave a panicky look to Monty who was already grabbing for her wrist with his red-stained hands, checking for a pulse.

He let out a sigh a lot larger than the previous one. "She's still breathing. Probably passed out from the pain."

Octavia, not wanting to be in the way, helped Miller carry Bellamy into one of the nearby hammocks, setting his limp body down gently. She knew he wasn't nearly in the condition that Clarke was, but she was still worried about him.

Monty figured it'd be awhile before Clarke woke up again, so he stood up. "I'm going to go clean up, but I'll be back soon."

Finn nodded. He looked back at Clarke's sweat ridden face and sighed. He leaned back on his knees feeling completely exhausted.

"Do you think we should move her to a hammock, too?" Jasper suggested.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

But before they could even get their arms under her, Clarke's entire body started to seize. Even her fingernails seemed to be shaking. Finn started to panic and was moving his hands all over Clarke to try and get her to stop.

He waved his hand in front of her face. "Clarke? Can you hear me?"

The only sort of response he got were the whites of her eyes. Clarke wasn't there anymore, and it scared Finn.

"What do we do?" Jasper questioned.

"Go get Monty," Finn said, not knowing how else he could help her.

Jasper ran out of the drop ship as Octavia took his place. "Try holding her down," she said.

She grabbed Clarke's ankles while Finn grabbed her shoulders to try and keep her from seizing. It seemed to take forever for Jasper to return with Monty, and during those moments, Finn had never felt more helpless in his life.


	2. Chapter 2

In Part 1:

"Do you think we should move her to a hammock, too?" Jasper suggested.

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea."

But before they could even get their arms under her, Clarke's entire body started to seize. Even her fingernails seemed to be shaking. Finn started to panic and was moving his hands all over Clarke to try and get her to stop.

He waved his hand in front of her face. "Clarke? Can you hear me?"

The only sort of response he got were the whites of her eyes. Clarke wasn't there anymore, and it scared Finn.

"What do we do?" Jasper questioned.

"Go get Monty," Finn said, not knowing how else he could help her.

Jasper ran out of the drop ship as Octavia took his place. "Try holding her down," she said.

She grabbed Clarke's ankles while Finn grabbed her shoulders to try and keep her from seizing. It seemed to take forever for Jasper to return with Monty, and during those moments, Finn had never felt more helpless in his life.

Part 2:

"What's going on?" Monty asked frantically as he ran into the drop ship.

"I- I don't know. She just started seizing. I don't even know if she's breathing or-"

"Okay," Monty said, cutting him off. "Just calm down."

"Calm down? Monty, Clarke could be dying right now and you're telling me to calm down?" He said, anger rising.

"Hey, this isn't helping her at all," Octavia commented. She turned towards Monty. "Just tell us what we need to do."

"I'm not exactly sure," Monty admitted, pacing back and forth while Clarke still convulsed. "I don't want to try anything that could make it worse."

Clearly, that was not the thing Finn wanted to hear. He stood up. "That's all you're going to do? Just cross our fingers and hopes she stops? What happens when she doesn't?"

Finn had his fists balled at his side, and Monty stepped closer to Clarke to get closer to Finn. "Do you have a better idea? Because if you do, speak up. I'm sure we'd all love to hear another one of Finn's great ideas. Why not send them back out in the woods to find Murphy and see what happens this time?"

"Guys, come on," Jasper started.

Finn was too angry and confused to stop. "What- the woods? I had nothing to do with that; I tried to stop it from happening!"

Octavia tried to interject. "Finn-"

Monty raised his voice even more. "Obviously not hard enough. Look where it got them!"

"Hey!" Octavia yelled above them all.

Finn and Monty, both out of breath, angrily turned their heads to Octavia. Reality came crashing back to both of them when they saw Clarke, who had since stopped seizing.

"I don't think she's breathing," Jasper said quietly.

It all happened so fast. Monty pushed Jasper out of the way and started chest compressions without hesitation.

Finn grabbed Clarke's hand and willed her to start breathing again. "Come on," he whispered under his breath.

Monty was near ready to give up, but he kept going. He wasn't about to lose his friend without giving her a fighting chance at survival. A short gasp worked its way up Clarke's lungs. When it came out, it was barely audible, but they heard it. Eventually, she started gasping even more but this time in pain.

Monty sat back, stunned. "I can't believe that actually worked," he breathed out.

Clarke was quick to pass out again after that, but the only thing that mattered was that she was breathing.

Finn picked her up and moved her to a hammock near Bellamy. He was still out cold and had a small fever from lack of medicine but still breathing nonetheless. Octavia never left his side that night, and Finn never left Clarke's.

* * *

Bellamy woke up the next day confused and in pain. He was bombarded with questions from Octavia and Finn.

However, he had a question of his own. "How's Clarke?"

Octavia helped him sit up despite the raging pain in his side. "Take a look for yourself," she said, motioning over to the hammock next to him.

"She had a rough night," Finn explained, running his hand through his unwashed hair. "Fever and bleeding on and off. She's pretty stable right now, though."

Bellamy couldn't look away from his seemingly lifeless friend. "She wouldn't let me carry her, she was too worried about me," he said painfully.

"Hey," Octavia started. "What happened to her and what happened to you is not your fault."

"He didn't come back did he?" Bellamy questioned about Murphy.

"No, hopefully the Grounders got him," Finn said coldly.

"Good," Bellamy groggily said, dozing off already.

Octavia smiled. "Get some rest, big brother. I love you."

"Love you, too, O," he said before falling asleep.

Finn couldn't help but feel jealous at the reunion Octavia got with Bellamy when he wasn't even sure Clarke would wake up again. If she had any more nights like the previous one, she wouldn't last much longer. Her body couldn't handle it.

"She'll wake up," Octavia said, shaking Finn from his thoughts.

"How do you know?"

"Because her name is Clarke Griffin," she explained like she was stating the obvious.

Finn pulled up a chair next to Clarke's hammock. "We had a fight before she left. I knew it was a bad idea for them to be going with Murphy, but she just called me a coward for not going with her."

"When she wakes up, you'll make it right. You always do," Octavia said before leaving to get a rag for Bellamy's head.

* * *

Bellamy was a lot stronger the next day; he could feel it when he woke up. He didn't see Octavia but saw Finn leaning against Clarke's hammock with his hand in hers. Clarke looked peaceful to Bellamy, but he knew that Finn was feeling everything but peaceful.

Bellamy sat up with minimal pain from his side. Getting out of the hammock, however, proved to be a more difficult task. He grunted in pain as he swung his feet over the side of it. Finn spun around and got up quickly to help him.

"You probably shouldn't be getting up yet," Finn said, helping Bellamy stand up.

"I'm fine," Bellamy assured him, gripping the sheet for support.

Finn hesitantly let his arm go, just waiting for Bellamy to fall over, but he didn't. Now that Bellamy could actually see Finn's face, he knew exactly what he was feeling. One, he looked like shit. Bellamy assumed Finn hadn't slept since Bellamy and Clarke left yesterday with Murphy on a suicide mission they weren't informed of until Murphy pulled out his knife. Two, Finn was really fidgety. He couldn't stop cracking his knuckles and looking at Clarke. He was scared, and it was easy for Bellamy to see that.

"Go," Bellamy said. "Get some sleep, you need it. I'll watch Clarke and let you know if anything happens."

Finn looked uncertainly at Bellamy, but exhaustion was overtaking all his other senses, so he just nodded. He decided he didn't want to go all the way back to his tent, especially if something happened with Clarke while he was sleeping. He just sat against a wall, and glanced over at Clarke again before falling asleep almost instantaneously.

Bellamy hobbled over to the water system they set up in the drop ship to try and cure the dehydration he was experiencing.

"Good to see you up," Monty said, walking into the drop ship and immediately going over to Clarke to check her pulse.

Bellamy chugged three cups of water before responding. "Thanks to you."

Monty checked to see if Clarke gave any response to light or to small pinches on her feet. "Wasn't all me. Octavia, Jasper, and Finn helped, too. Speaking of, where is Finn?" He questioned.

Bellamy pointed behind him to Finn who looked more peaceful than he had since Clarke told him she was going with Bellamy and Murphy. Monty gave a grunt of disapproval.

"What's your problem?" Bellamy asked.

"You should be the one resting, not him. I would've thought with how much he cares about her, he'd want to be here, considering she may never wake up."

Bellamy got defensive towards Finn. "Ease up, Monty. He was up with her all night, and he would've gone crazy if he had to stare at her for another minute. I get that you're frustrated but don't take it out on him. He's feeling this worse than the rest of us."

Monty sighed. "You're right, sorry. I just want Murphy to pay for this."

"He will," Bellamy promised. "As soon as Clarke wakes up, we're going after him."

"If only we knew where he was."

"He won't last long by himself out there. Either the Grounders will take care of him or he'll be coming back here."

Monty nodded. "Let's hope the Grounders got him. They'll give him a more torturous death than we could ever give him."

Bellamy looked over at Clarke and furrowed his eyebrows. "I don't know, I could probably think of some worse things."

Monty chuckled. "Leave it to you. Let me know if she wakes up," he said, leaving the drop ship.

Bellamy gingerly walked back over and sat down on the stool next to where Clarke was laying.

He sighed. "Come on, Clarke. We need you out here," he whispered to her.

A few minutes after that, he swore he saw her hand flinch. When he saw her eyes finally start to flicker open, he knew what he'd seen was real.

"Finn!" He yelled to wake Finn up from his short-lived nap. Finn's eyes shot open. "Get over here," Bellamy said, standing up.

Finn quickly scrambled over to the other side of the hammock. "What's going on?" He asked, rubbing one of his eyes.

"I think she's waking up." Bellamy averted his attention back to her. "Clarke? Hey, can you hear me?"

Her eyes opened, and she looked around confusingly. She squinted at the light above her hammock and then turned her head back and forth between Bellamy and Finn and finally, smiled.

"Hey," Finn whispered, smiling back at her.

"Hi," she said with a scratchy voice.

Clarke tried to sit up but quickly noticed the numbing pain coming from her right thigh. She grimaced in pain, and Bellamy's eyebrow's knit together.

"You'll probably be in pain for a while," Bellamy explained.

"Great," Clarke breathed out sarcastically.

Finn was still extremely concerned. "Can I get you anything?" He asked, pushing hair away from Clarke's face.

Clarke swallowed and felt how raw her throat was. She was aching for something to drink. "Just water, maybe."

"Of course."

Finn brushed his lips against her forehead lightly before rushing over to get some water. Clarke's eyes followed him, but they found Bellamy instead. Clarke remembered why she was in this situation in the first place and started to get emotional.

Bellamy saw the tears in her eyes. "Come here," he said, leaning down to hug her.

"I thought you had died," she cried into his shoulder.

Bellamy let a breath out. "Imagine how we all felt when you didn't want to wake up for almost two days." He pulled out of the hug and looked right in her eyes. "But we're just fine, and Murphy's the one who will pay. Whether he gets picked off by Grounders, or we find him, he will pay."

Clarke just nodded solemnly and gratefully accepted the cup of water Finn gave her. "How's your stab wound?" She asked Bellamy after downing the whole cup.

Bellamy smiled. "Better than your stab wound. Let's talk about this later, though, when you're stronger."

He squeezed her shoulder before she could protest and left the drop ship to let Finn have some time with her before Monty found out she was awake.

Finn brushed away extra tears that were still sitting on Clarke's cheeks. "You're not allowed to get stabbed anymore, okay?" Finn said. Clarke laughed which sent searing pain through her leg. "You're also not allowed to laugh, either."

"Finn, I'm fine," she tried to assure him.

"You scared the hell out of us- out of me," he clarified, tone turning serious. "You- you wouldn't stop seizing. All I could see were the whites of your eyes. It was like you weren't even there." Finn closed his eyes and shook his head at the memory. "I was so afraid you weren't going to wake up."

Clare grabbed his wrist and squeezed it. "Hey, I'm right here, and I'm not going anywhere," she said sleepily.

Finn nodded, still having his doubts. "Go to sleep, you look tired."

"Probably not nearly as tired as you look right now. Promise me you'll sleep, too. I'm going to be okay," she assured him for the millionth time.

"Alright, I promise."

"Good," she said, already slipping into sleep. "I love you."

The words shocked Finn down to his core. He thought about saying those very words to her for the last week, but he never thought they'd come out of Clarke's mouth. She was already asleep before he could question anything. He just sighed and bent down to kiss her on the forehead again.

She loved him. It actually made Finn giddy inside, yet he wasn't so sure Clarke meant it. She was half asleep and also in a terrible amount of pain. Still, she loved him. He smiled then curled back up in the corner he was in before just in case Bellamy came back to sleep in the other hammock.

Part 3 coming soon. Thanks for reading! :)


End file.
